A new year, a new semester and new horizons ahead!
I might’ve sort of hurried this week’s lesson planning because I’d planned to go meet friends in Paris (one of whom I hadn’t seen in 12 years!) and go to this awesome art exhibition, but it was definitely worth it.
I’m sort of on a high from submitting my grad school application (finally!) but now re-familiarizing myself with this virtue called patience. It’s sort of ironic, really, as it seems I’ve lost it for myself. Do you ever feel like somehow you fell back into old habits, and you know you’re there, running in a circle, but you just can’t seem to stop? That’s where I am, still running, and apparently with increasing intensity. Why? My first response would be “fear,” but I’m not even sure of what.
The unknown? Extremely ironic, especially when I hear a colleague call me “adventurous” and “doing a lot” for someone my age. I mean, maybe? But I don’t really feel it. I mostly feel like a dog chasing his tail, or a cat pawing at the laser dot. What could possibly happen if I stopped running, fall flat on my face from metaphorical exhaustion? Be standing in this room with multiple doors and not knowing which one to go towards? One thing’s for sure, any one of these things would be doing something, and that would be different. Different is good, different keeps you alive (in small doses I suppose, like with everything).
So why can’t I stop running? The legs and the feet are doing it on their own, stuck on autopilot, like fingers on a keyboard typing a password or playing a song you thought you forgot. And it’s so easy to run with it, because really, autopilot is good, right? But it’s numbing my brain, and I feel it eating me, and yet… I’m still running.
Can I even stop? Probably, most people can if they “simply” take the time to realize they’re doing it! Except that “simple” act is definitely hard, but it’s a sure first step. And you know what? I also know “it’s never too late!” At least, I like to tell my friends and coworkers that – sounds like I could heed my own advice. No better time than the present, am I right? (A Japanese commercial turned meme comes to mind: いつやるの？今でしょう！Basically, “do the thing now.”)
So while I’m elated to have a plan (sort of) for July, I still have a full five months to live until then, and I have things to do (oh my gosh, way too many), people to see, and places to visit! Starting with falling back into my daily writing habit, even if only for five minutes because everything helps or even just writing my diary, or my crazy yet awesome dreams! The next step is followed by a 30 day yoga challenge (#30daysofyoga)… Let’s do this!
Fasten your seat-belts, keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle(s) at all time and enjoy the ride!
Dive in!
Ali J.
Melinda's Musings 